Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
