She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
