Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
