Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
