How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
