Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
