I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You are a genius and a whore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
