Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
