Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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