Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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