Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
