its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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