sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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