Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
