How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
