I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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