when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We smell like vodka and hangover
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
