3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
