But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
