I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
