Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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