You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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