Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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