I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
