apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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