My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
