I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
