can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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