It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
