I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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