I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
