you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
