I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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