I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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