She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
