Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
