apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize