remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
