how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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