She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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