cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
