Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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