FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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