The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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