I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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