what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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