i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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