I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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