You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
