I am in a vortex of obligation.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
