I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
