Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
