Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
