Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
