Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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