I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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