Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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