hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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